Family Values, Spirituality and Rituals

Of family values, spirituality and rituals, what is most important in the upbringing of children? If you answered "all three," you would be right - at least in my book. Of course, others have their own views.

(Why call them family values, why not humanistic values - yes, indeed they are humanistic values, but they are more often than not imparted in the family, and may relate to individuals as well as society.)

We need a balance between these three - and that balance is something very difficult to achieve.

This difficulty leads to "outsourcing" or "delegation." People don't want to teach their children family values themselves, so they take shelter in the so-called spirituality - "go learn what is spiritual and you will be fine." Even that is difficult for some people - they say - "go do the rituals, and you will be fine." Unfortunately, religion in India is full of these rituals, with no thought to spirituality and values, rendering these rituals totally meaningless. And there are enough people in India who peddle these rituals, creating cults around themselves. These cult-masters build a culture of obsequiousness where everything is outsourced to the master. People do what the master tells them, without regard to spirituality or family values or even thinking for themselves. The net is that there is much harm to the society.

Religion being the opium of the masses, it is the educated people who need to lead the way by showing balance. If they too fall into this easy path of - don't need to teach family values or spirituality, because rituals are everything, then you have to worry about the society.

Not every ritualist is non-spritual and not every spiritual person lacks family values. Clearly, there are balanced people in the world. And, we need more of them, not people who emphasize rituals over everything else.

Replacing yoga with rituals

Imagine you are at the gym, working out to the nice rhythmic music - whether it be on a treadmill, or even in an aerobics class. Now imagine someone coming up to you, and telling you that doing exercise is futile, it is the music that makes a difference in whether or not you stay healthy. Would you permanently stop exercising, and just sit down to listen to music instead to stay fit?

I would not. That is why I don't understand many "yoga" enthusiasts I have come across recently. They started off doing yoga, but soon replaced it with rituals and chanting. Physical exercise is always hard work, so it is not a surprise that people find short-cuts to it. But, don't they see that this is not helping them with physical fitness? In fact, many of these yogis are now overweight. No worries, the person who helped them make this transition tells them; this is called spirituality, and you will see its benefits in your next life. Works for them, and works for their guide, who they now revere as a Guru. Seeing them lap up everything that he says in the name of spirituality, the Guru comes up with more new rituals, and the followers continue to fall for it. The Guru has just earned a set of pseudo-slaves, who will do anything for him/her. And the followers feel good that they don't have to take responsibility for anything; they merely follow what the guru tells them, and they are on their path to "success" in life - not just this one but many lives after this.

If all parties involved in it feel good about it, then where is the harm. These yogis are harming themselves even if they don't realize it. But more important, they are harming others in their environment. Imagine your spouse running constantly to do rituals that the Guru told them to do, neglecting responsibility to the house, to their children, and the society as a whole. Sitting for hours on end, praising the Guru is their preferred way of spending their time.

My guess is that not everyone will fall for it. I suspect that this life-style is for those prone to shirk responsibility anyway. Now they have a legitimate way of doing it and feeling good about it - in the name of spirituality. In fact, their language also reflects it. One of the people I am referring to, recently moved across the country - because "she got a message that she needs to move." Then she moved away because "she got a new message." While the outcome is the same, this is very different from saying "she decided."

There may be room for spirituality in people's lives, but as a component of balanced life-style, not as a substitute for acting responsibly. I wish more people would start taking responsibility for their own lives. But, for some people that may be asking for too much.